Low Self-Esteem Predicts Indirect Support Seeking and Its Relationship Consequences in Intimate Relationships

Indirect support seeking involves sulking, whining, and/or displaying sadness to elicit social support. Ironically, this strategy tends to backfire by prompting rejection from close others. The current research examines how low self-esteem contributes to the use and relational consequences of indirect support seeking during couples' interactions. Results across two dyadic, observational studies (Study 1 = 76 couples, Study 2 = 100 couples) demonstrated that support seekers with lower self-esteem engaged in greater indirect support seeking, and seekers' greater indirect support seeking was associated with greater negative support from partners. Furthermore, partners' negative support was associated with lower seeker perceptions of partner responsiveness, but only when support seekers were low in self-esteem. These results demonstrate how low self-esteem individuals' attempts to protect themselves from social rejection by utilizing indirect support seeking may ironically elicit negative partner support, and undermine the feelings of acceptance that low self-esteem individuals crave.