Approaching the development of hurt feelings in childhood

When do hurt feelings develop? In this paper, we want to set the stage for empirical investigations that can answer this neglected question. Thus, we present an integrative theory of hurt feelings according to which hurt feelings in their narrow sense consist of (a) a primary appraisal of an illegitimate devaluation, (b) a secondary appraisal of low controllability, (c) an action tendency to withdraw, and (d) the communicative function to signal that one has been wronged, and is expecting reparation. We argue that sulking behavior can be used as an approach to studying hurt feelings in young children because the same appraisals are assumed to underlie sulking. Thus, we review what is known about pouting as a facial expression and sulking behavior. After discussing the ontogeny of two important eliciting situations of hurt feelings-abandonment and sibling favoritism, we preliminarily conclude that relevant behaviors are not present in jealousy experiments that involve a situation of discrimination and that hurt feelings seem not yet present in the Ainsworth Strange Situation at twelve months of age. Finally, we review empirical studies on shame, pride, guilt and social norms because they relate to the same motivational topic of legitimacy and social evaluation. In summary, this review suggests that it is likely that sulking behavior and thus hurt feelings in their narrow sense begin to develop at the end of the second year, together with other self-conscious emotions, but that empirical investigations are strongly needed.