A diary examination of romantic and sexual partners withholding affectionate messages

Expressing and receiving affectionate messages have emotional and physiological benefits (Floyd, 2006a). Previously, research has called for an examination of why people withhold affectionate messages that may provide these positive effects (Horan & Booth-Butterfield, 2013). Accordingly, this study examined instances of withholding affection in a variety of romantic relationships. Participants initially completed general scales of deception and affection followed by a 7-day diary detailing what they felt when they withheld affection, what they communicated in place of affection, and their deceptive motives. After inductively developing a coding scheme, 12 themes were identified for what participants felt, the most common of which were liking, a desire for affection, and irritation. Eleven themes emerged for what was communicated in lieu of affection, some of which were moderated affection, rejection, and jealousy-evoking. Eleven themes emerged for reasons why participants withheld affection, including concern for perception, inappropriate circumstances, punishment, and using withholding affection to test a romantic partner. There were no variations in frequency of deception, expressed or received affection based on participant sex or relationship type. Withholding affection is a common and complex process in relationships.